a weekend of escape

thursday, 9 june: i began my day witnessing a suicide in the davis sq. t-station. the day was spent at an exhausting conference, and when i got back to the casa, my relationship of 8 months ended. friday was unbearably sad, and after getting completely wrecked by 9pm that night, it was time to get out.

destination: new york. some folks go to nyc to party and live it up. i go to stay with my friends becky and matt to re-center and think. i took the train down, and spent hours just looking out the window and thinking. i just needed the quiet contemplative alone time. the scenery from the train is my favorite: marshes and the seaside, contrasted with the waste of our existence.

i relaxed with becky on saturday afternoon, and spent the night reading, relaxing and watching the tropical fish in becky and matt's apartment while they visited with friends in queens. the next day, we spent time playing super mario three on the original nintendo, and then headed to central park!

i'd never been before; and it was just lovely. we took the requisite pictures, making sure to include the ginormous police horse. after settling on a nice shady spot in the lawn, and we played boules - a lawn 'sport' that i gave them for their wedding. it involves throwing big silver balls - har, har - and trying to get them near a smaller wooden ball.

after some tasty ice cream, we headed to matt's office to take advantage of the beautiful view of the park.

i looked at the park for awhile, and watched the tiny little people-figures walking around. do you ever wonder if anyone else's feelings are hurting at the same time as yours are? what was the person at davis thinking when they jumped? i think about that on the T a lot, or when i'm riding my bike to work and peeping in the cars at a stoplight. what's everyone thinking about? are they happy? is there a phonecall that might come, making their day? what's the thing in life they're trying to forget? i'd like to make some sort of a survey to hand out and get some sort of consensus. make myself feel better and less alone. i'm not heartbroken; i'm not hopeless. but i'm a little sad that the potential i saw didn't materialize. and things move on and time goes by, but just a moment of silence for the potential of the future was all i needed.

some time to myself to sort things out and - yet again - start over. thank you to becky and matt, for always being there.