the hardest part

is that people's lives keep moving while you are stuck in their past.

R. I. P. Grannymobile.

well, i did the deed. i signed the DNR on the grannymobile. there will be no heroic last minute measures. no forced intake of fluids. no jolts with the zapping paddles. no life support. i brought her home and will let her die in peace in her sleep, the way she i believe she always wanted it.

i brought her in over the weekend, as she didn't sound too good. she had a little cough and sputter, and was having trouble getting around. they looked at her, found out that she had bled out internally, and used some fancy tracing dye to find the culprit. it was worse than we though -- multiple organ failure. problems with the intake manifold and the valve cover gaskets. i could save her, but frankly, the cost was too high, and i don't think she would want me to do it. she has lived a good life.

so now i am driving around in a dippy, rented, chevy aveo. i feel a little guilty enjoying it's cheap american pep. the fact that it starts. and it's defroster works. and it's ceiling isn't resting on my head. and it will, i am guessing, get more than 14 miles to the gallon.

i guess it's time for me to grow up a little, and get a grown up car.

so long grannymobile. thanks for everything along the way.

it would make it easier to call home

if i didn't catch so much hell for not calling more frequently.
it's my dad's birthday, and i just got an email from mom because i flaked on calling her saturday.
i have to call, because it's his birthday. i don't want to. i will probably have to hear it from mom. but i have to.
i made him brownies, my sister made him cookies, and we got them to him for his birthday.
and mom is clearly pissed because i didn't call her, and i don't want to deal with this.
ok. go-time.

settling in for the long winter

it's been a long week, and i'm exhausted. work was crappy but i got a ton done. i also made a massive almost horrid mistake, but managed to fix it at the last minute. it's nice that other assistants "get it". like...when i call andrew's assistant, she knows i'm holding on by the skin of my teeth, and i know she's having a helluva time scheduling all this. so we cut each other slack and don't rat each other out. i once heard about some club of (then-called) secretaries of the big dawgs in NYC in the 40s. these ladies had dinners and a little private club, just stuck together for support and strength and to watch each other's backs. i like that i have that unspoken sense with the other assistants i work with. it's really weird at work, though - i'm an assistant (travel plans, copies, etc.) but i also do initial screenings, make site visits, give speeches, and make decisions and recommendations. it's such a full spectrum job, but sometimes juggling all of everything floating in my head gets to be overwhelming. this morning was one of those moments. anyhow.

most of the time these days, friday night rolls around and i am ready to stay at home and relax. i used to just head straight out to the bars, but i just can't pull that off anymore. i'm definitely going out tomorrow - motherboar is playing the middle east, and it should be a fun show, and i'm excited to meet mr. grotto, my good friend joe's dad. he's almost mythical - i've been hearing about him for years, and finally: i will have met all the immediate grotto family members. and sunday, the boston massacre roller derby team has a bout with the rhode island riveters, so i'm gonna go watch darling malicen thunderland kick ass and take names. i just hope she doesn't get hurt. also, i'm laying a little low this weekend because i'm wicked broke. heh. truth comes out, eh?

perhaps it's time to start my winter-time knitting projects? i do need a new pair of legwarmers. i have a pretty cute pair i made two years ago, but they are a little too loose in the ankle area. i'd like snugger-fitting legwarmers so it doesn't look like i have cankles. i don't know what cankles exactly are, but i don't think they're a good thing. anyhow. ok, i have to do something or i'm going to rot in front of the lappy and tv. all i fucking need is a tv-dinner...ugh.

dear god, don't let me turn into that person.

and not to get everyone too excited, but i took some pictures of the pottery i made over the summer in my pottery class. let's just say most of my work is "special"...i'll post those soon. something for y'all to look forward to...

and i thought incontinent cats were gross...

a rat roughly the size of penelope ran across both my feet this evening.

*shudder*

i think i have to throw these shoes away now.

meh.

a note from kitty. p.

fucj yeah! metal and spencer moody (murder city devils, dead low tide). holy christ...i love spencer moody, who sings songs about how the world needs to have softer edges. i agree with him, and would like to offer him the option of having babies with me.

edit: ok, in a more sober light, the babies option is off the table. but still - really good show.

marble-borough!

so my ex-boyfriend is coming to town this weekend. which means it's time for my annual pilgrimage to one of the worlds oddest places -- the marble convention. ritchie is a punk rocker teacher who takes in stray animals and deals marbles on the side. he once stole my heart by meeting my bus with a bag of hamsters clutched in his hand. he had rescued them from drowning in a trash can. he's that kind of guy. and he buys, sells, and collects marbles.


and once a year, for almost a decade now, i go spend time at the convention in marlborough. it's funny the things you do for ex-boyfriends. while i might not actively pursue this hobby on my own, i have a tiny collection of marbles, and can speak knowledgeably about agates and handmades and christiansons and peltiers, and i can even spin the marble urban legend tale about The Golden Rebel. but i generally don't unless ritchie's in town.


when rich and i dated, a million years ago now, i spent my time watching his various hard core bands play in dirty clubs. i did the same when we were in college together. it's what you do when you're dating somebody -- you take on odd habits and quirks and loves of theirs. if you're lucky, it's stuff like favorite restaurants or music you listen to or a penchant for Aqua Teen Hunger Force. and maybe it you're unlucky you find yourself robbing houses.


but if you're really unlucky... they make you a red sox fan.


almost every guy i've ever dated has tried to make me a fan of the red sox, and for many years i could avoid it. then, about four or five years ago, it got under my skin. and i found myself watching games when there was nobody *making* me do it. i was finally a fan. i don't talk much about it. i live in fear that somebody will expect me to rattle off stats or, worse yet, ask me to join in their fantasy league, but it's there.


i used to think that these guys were just trying to bond and share a great love of theirs with me. ha! these guys... these guys... were freaking sadists. these guys wanted to teach me the pain and desperation that comes with being a red sox fan.


so the marble convention is coming to town, and once again the sox are in post season. and once again i am cursing every man i have ever dated.

nekkid pics!

my dad has been taking all of the boxes of old slides and converting them to disc. for me it is a treasure trove of photos of my childhood, my family, and my friends. places and people i had forgotten. proof that i was a mostly happy kid. and a cute kid. and often a very very weird kid. it also means that there are now nekkid pics of me on the internet. many thanks to banky for pointing that out. for folks who want to see more of these, check out my dads flickr photos.











this might be my all-time favorite photo of the batch. my family is on vacation on cape cod. my mom says it looks so weird because it was our first attempt with the self-timer. i think it looks weird because my family was often uncomfortable with standing still, so to sit and stare at the camera was unnatural for us. i remember my childhood as constant motion. projects and plans and action. i am sure that we had our still moments. from the pics, i am pretty sure that i spent all of those moments asleep.