the hardest part

is that people's lives keep moving while you are stuck in their past.

R. I. P. Grannymobile.

well, i did the deed. i signed the DNR on the grannymobile. there will be no heroic last minute measures. no forced intake of fluids. no jolts with the zapping paddles. no life support. i brought her home and will let her die in peace in her sleep, the way she i believe she always wanted it.

i brought her in over the weekend, as she didn't sound too good. she had a little cough and sputter, and was having trouble getting around. they looked at her, found out that she had bled out internally, and used some fancy tracing dye to find the culprit. it was worse than we though -- multiple organ failure. problems with the intake manifold and the valve cover gaskets. i could save her, but frankly, the cost was too high, and i don't think she would want me to do it. she has lived a good life.

so now i am driving around in a dippy, rented, chevy aveo. i feel a little guilty enjoying it's cheap american pep. the fact that it starts. and it's defroster works. and it's ceiling isn't resting on my head. and it will, i am guessing, get more than 14 miles to the gallon.

i guess it's time for me to grow up a little, and get a grown up car.

so long grannymobile. thanks for everything along the way.

it would make it easier to call home

if i didn't catch so much hell for not calling more frequently.
it's my dad's birthday, and i just got an email from mom because i flaked on calling her saturday.
i have to call, because it's his birthday. i don't want to. i will probably have to hear it from mom. but i have to.
i made him brownies, my sister made him cookies, and we got them to him for his birthday.
and mom is clearly pissed because i didn't call her, and i don't want to deal with this.
ok. go-time.

settling in for the long winter

it's been a long week, and i'm exhausted. work was crappy but i got a ton done. i also made a massive almost horrid mistake, but managed to fix it at the last minute. it's nice that other assistants "get it". like...when i call andrew's assistant, she knows i'm holding on by the skin of my teeth, and i know she's having a helluva time scheduling all this. so we cut each other slack and don't rat each other out. i once heard about some club of (then-called) secretaries of the big dawgs in NYC in the 40s. these ladies had dinners and a little private club, just stuck together for support and strength and to watch each other's backs. i like that i have that unspoken sense with the other assistants i work with. it's really weird at work, though - i'm an assistant (travel plans, copies, etc.) but i also do initial screenings, make site visits, give speeches, and make decisions and recommendations. it's such a full spectrum job, but sometimes juggling all of everything floating in my head gets to be overwhelming. this morning was one of those moments. anyhow.

most of the time these days, friday night rolls around and i am ready to stay at home and relax. i used to just head straight out to the bars, but i just can't pull that off anymore. i'm definitely going out tomorrow - motherboar is playing the middle east, and it should be a fun show, and i'm excited to meet mr. grotto, my good friend joe's dad. he's almost mythical - i've been hearing about him for years, and finally: i will have met all the immediate grotto family members. and sunday, the boston massacre roller derby team has a bout with the rhode island riveters, so i'm gonna go watch darling malicen thunderland kick ass and take names. i just hope she doesn't get hurt. also, i'm laying a little low this weekend because i'm wicked broke. heh. truth comes out, eh?

perhaps it's time to start my winter-time knitting projects? i do need a new pair of legwarmers. i have a pretty cute pair i made two years ago, but they are a little too loose in the ankle area. i'd like snugger-fitting legwarmers so it doesn't look like i have cankles. i don't know what cankles exactly are, but i don't think they're a good thing. anyhow. ok, i have to do something or i'm going to rot in front of the lappy and tv. all i fucking need is a tv-dinner...ugh.

dear god, don't let me turn into that person.

and not to get everyone too excited, but i took some pictures of the pottery i made over the summer in my pottery class. let's just say most of my work is "special"...i'll post those soon. something for y'all to look forward to...

and i thought incontinent cats were gross...

a rat roughly the size of penelope ran across both my feet this evening.

*shudder*

i think i have to throw these shoes away now.

meh.

a note from kitty. p.

fucj yeah! metal and spencer moody (murder city devils, dead low tide). holy christ...i love spencer moody, who sings songs about how the world needs to have softer edges. i agree with him, and would like to offer him the option of having babies with me.

edit: ok, in a more sober light, the babies option is off the table. but still - really good show.

marble-borough!

so my ex-boyfriend is coming to town this weekend. which means it's time for my annual pilgrimage to one of the worlds oddest places -- the marble convention. ritchie is a punk rocker teacher who takes in stray animals and deals marbles on the side. he once stole my heart by meeting my bus with a bag of hamsters clutched in his hand. he had rescued them from drowning in a trash can. he's that kind of guy. and he buys, sells, and collects marbles.


and once a year, for almost a decade now, i go spend time at the convention in marlborough. it's funny the things you do for ex-boyfriends. while i might not actively pursue this hobby on my own, i have a tiny collection of marbles, and can speak knowledgeably about agates and handmades and christiansons and peltiers, and i can even spin the marble urban legend tale about The Golden Rebel. but i generally don't unless ritchie's in town.


when rich and i dated, a million years ago now, i spent my time watching his various hard core bands play in dirty clubs. i did the same when we were in college together. it's what you do when you're dating somebody -- you take on odd habits and quirks and loves of theirs. if you're lucky, it's stuff like favorite restaurants or music you listen to or a penchant for Aqua Teen Hunger Force. and maybe it you're unlucky you find yourself robbing houses.


but if you're really unlucky... they make you a red sox fan.


almost every guy i've ever dated has tried to make me a fan of the red sox, and for many years i could avoid it. then, about four or five years ago, it got under my skin. and i found myself watching games when there was nobody *making* me do it. i was finally a fan. i don't talk much about it. i live in fear that somebody will expect me to rattle off stats or, worse yet, ask me to join in their fantasy league, but it's there.


i used to think that these guys were just trying to bond and share a great love of theirs with me. ha! these guys... these guys... were freaking sadists. these guys wanted to teach me the pain and desperation that comes with being a red sox fan.


so the marble convention is coming to town, and once again the sox are in post season. and once again i am cursing every man i have ever dated.

nekkid pics!

my dad has been taking all of the boxes of old slides and converting them to disc. for me it is a treasure trove of photos of my childhood, my family, and my friends. places and people i had forgotten. proof that i was a mostly happy kid. and a cute kid. and often a very very weird kid. it also means that there are now nekkid pics of me on the internet. many thanks to banky for pointing that out. for folks who want to see more of these, check out my dads flickr photos.











this might be my all-time favorite photo of the batch. my family is on vacation on cape cod. my mom says it looks so weird because it was our first attempt with the self-timer. i think it looks weird because my family was often uncomfortable with standing still, so to sit and stare at the camera was unnatural for us. i remember my childhood as constant motion. projects and plans and action. i am sure that we had our still moments. from the pics, i am pretty sure that i spent all of those moments asleep.

an update from kitty pancakes

so here's a little list of tidbits.

• my dad likes the movie 'ever after' with drew barrymore. that is the cutest thing ever.
  
• i am still coughing gross shit up, and having a hard time dealing with the rest of my life when i feel so crappy.
  
• just bought tickets to chicago to visit lisa. SO excited. i'll be missing halloween with friends, but i never go anywhere, and this is exciting.
  
• our couches are coming next week!
  
• i need a new bike. my bottom bracket is shot, and so is my rear hub.
  
• ky "touch warming body massage" commercials are fucking awful. am i the only one who is grossed out by being massaged all over with lube? ughhhhh.
  
• i am not, however, opposed to backrubs. which i love.
  
• penelope has been particularly snuggly lately, which has been nice as i've been sick.
  
• i love 'ever after' too. tee-hee!
  

so, the lower half is home sick today.

holy jesus, i have been coughing up the grossest shit ever. i've gone through a half-box of kleenex (puffs with lotion to pamper my nostrils) in just 12 hours. it sounds like i have consumption or something. AND i left all this stuff half-done at work that's totally stressing me because i was supposed to have it done already. argh...

life at the casa...

shayne has been a blog slacker.

i've been busy, too. but when it's 1:30am on a week night and you can't sleep, the night seems endless. so i thought i would use some of that godforsaken time to blog. here's a list of things i learned this week:

• my computer science professor owes me approximately $240. she's cancelled three (of four!) class sessions this semester.
  
• tom jones (the novel by henry fielding, not the well-endowed welshman) is extremely entertaining. 18th century brit lit=fun!
• henry james once condescendingly called sarah orne jewett's country of the pointed firs a 'beautiful little quantum of achievement'. sarah orne jewett lives on the shelf next to henry james in the library. i hope ms. jewett's books beat the shit of mr. james' books every night.
• i can still (almost) lose it when speaking words that really matter in front of other people. writing class is making me mental as well as contributing to an insomniac state.
• i'm (really) stressed out. why am i always the last to figure this one out?
  

and finally, i learned not to blog when you're suffering from insomnia. it makes for some dreary stuff.

katherine has been a blog slacker.

so i've been a little busy, and i feel that i have been neglecting the blog a little. in honor of that, in true kathryn-style, here's a list of things i learned this week:

• petey pees sitting down when there is somebody outside who might be listening.
• the HVAC guys come out really quickly to fix the air conditioning when you say "i don't think you understand! it's 85 degrees in the Bombs & Arson department. do you realize how dangerous that is?!?"
• i like my job a lot more when the boss is gone and i get to be in charge. i meet more people. have more fun. and feel more confident.
• if you act like a kid, the *actual* kids will tell you all the things they don't want to tell the "grown ups". i now know what is written on the bathroom wall of the girls bathroom in Maynard.
• Mitt Romney is trying to put together a proposition to have mandatory drug testing of all high school students in massachusetts. i hypothesize two things: we will see a huge influx of cash into our Drugs department, and Mitt Romney will never be president.
• my good friends in New Orleans are safe and evacuated to Houston. i am still not sure about the rest of the people i know down there, but they are in my thoughts all the time.
  
• the blogger spell check does not know the word "blog".
• and finally, today is my friend Jonah's birthday. jonah once gave all of the money from his youth group treasury, which was supposed to go to buy food, to a bunch of cheerleaders who were doing a fundraising drive. happy birthday jonah. may your day be full of cheerleaders!
  

i'll spare you the loud, off-key, singing...

today is my sisters birthday. happy birthday jessamyn! she's quite the little spitfire, and has been a huge influence on my life. jessamyn taught me how to shave my legs, and how to pierce my nose. we have traveled to Alaska together in the dead of winter, and on one of those trips she helped me set my broken thumb on xmas day. we have also been to the British Virgin Islands, Canada, Tijuana, Romania & Hungary, and an exciting trip cross country in a white Ford F150 with a quad cab that we dubbed "The Hooptymobile". when we were younger, she offered to give me a piggyback ride home after i had cracked my jaw falling out of a tree. and when we were older i a got to return the favor by tracking her down a mocha latte after she was in a bad car accident. we share a love of good cheddar cheese, esoteric non-fiction, and the color orange.i can't imagine what life would be like without her. i admire her, i respect her, and she is one of the few people who can make me laugh so hard that i hyperventilate. thanks for being a great big sister, Jess. happy birthday.

kathryn has been a blog-slacker.

so, it occurs to me the lower half hasn't really posted anything lately. to update everyone on the excitement, here is a list of things to note:

• i have taken up 3/4 of the black plastic in the backyard, and hope to roto-till and seed the lawn in the course of the next two weeks.
• becky, pete, alex and i took a little trip camping in vermont. we got to go swimming!
  
• most of the music i've been listening to is in minor chords. awesome.
• i went to the gym on sunday, and am getting back into that.
  
• i happened to purchase some white gym sneakers - i laugh when i wear them because i look like somebody that i'm not.
  
• currently i'm attempting to re-make myself into something new and fabulous. i started by shaving my legs.
• does anyone else think this is funny? a vibrator cleverly disguised as a razor with a nice round rubber 'handle'? i'm tempted just because it's an entertaining idea.
• it has been gently pointed out to me by several people that, in fact, i'm not fat or unattractive, but have been dressing in an 'unflattering' manner for the last two-three months. today i've busted out a skirt and cute top, and the compliments / smiles seem to support their statements. point taken, yo.
  
• this weekend mostly sucked, except for the part where i stayed home. i spent way too much money on thursday and friday nights, and had, at best, mediocre experiences
  
• my fucking bike is messed up again, and i have to fiddle with it tonight.
  
• on the upswing, awesome ricardo finished the pictures of me and bike together!!! and here is one because i am wicked glad i came out looking good.
  

alright... the squeamish win!

it appears as though most people were not enamored of the eyeball shots. so, in order to not alienate the loyal readers of the casa blog (yeah, all six of you!) i decided to change them to a click-through. who knew y'all were so delicate?

actually, it's probably me who is beyond the bell curve on this one. with the exception of bugs and the dentist, i am not particularly squeamish. i grew up in the country where i was constantly stepping on rusty nails, where my sister got attacked my a rooster, where the cat used to make daily presents of mouse innards, and where many of the old farmers still gave themselves stitches at home. i think it's one of the things that made me a good crisis counselor... this stuff (for the most part) doesn't bother me. and lets face it... you can't be the one-armed/one-eyed/nine-toed bandit without being just a little bit fascinated with your own injuries.

and in case you feel the urge to cross the street if you see me coming down the sidewalk... don't bother. i'll have you know that my eye looks much better now.

fair is fair.

i promised Kathryn that i would put up some new content this weekend to force the gory eye picture a little farther down the page. sorry to my squeamish friends. i am just finding this fascinating. i simply woke up with it one morning, and i have been watching it evolve ever since. what has been particularly interesting to me is other peoples reactions. for the first three days at work, when the entire white of my eye was red -- nobody said a word. they would stare at my eye, and lose their train of thoughts, and stare some more, and still not mention it. finally, our custodian looked at me and went running out of the room... he came back with a present of a tiny little bottle of visine and mime'd that i should put it in my eye. and get more sleep. his english is poor and my brazilian is non-existent, so i could think of no way to easily explain that it wouldn't help. i just thanked him. it was a very sweet gesture.


the governor came out to the crime lab this week for a ribbon cutting ceremony. you can read his press release about it here. i decided not to go. i didn't need to be there for any reason, and while the crime lab can use the good press, i didn't want to get on the news supporting the governor. romney, in his press release, takes personal credit for expanding the DNA staff from four chemists to 36. first of all, we don't actually *have* 36 DNA folks. that's projected for the end of the year, after two more training classes graduate. second on all, want to guess how many of those new DNA folks are temps? if you guessed "all of them" you win.


so what i really wanted to do was go to the ribbon cutting ceremony and have all of the temp workers in the crime lab where gigantic buttons on them with a big scarlet T. There would be so many that any pictures the press wanted to take would include a couple. But i can't organize like that. while i am covered by a union, i can also make no political statements during work. i can't embarrass the governor. and heck, i don't need to. if i a give it enough time i am sure that he will embarrass himself.

photos finally

here she is, in all her garish glory!


if you look closely you can see down my shirt. heh.


that's all i've done so far. it's only a bit more than before, but i've definitely attracted quite a bit more attention driving around. aiden and liam saw my car for the first time yesterday while i visited them in VT. liam gasped and exclaimed, 'whoa! there's a cooooool car parked in our driveway!' they both looked at me with awe and respect when i told them it was mine. that's when i realized that my car really *is* beautiful. it just took seeing it through 3- and 7-year old eyes for me to get it :)

posting deleted < handle deleted >

Okay, you click on these on your own risk...

Wanna see a gross picture of my eye?

And for the truly fearless... wanna see a really gross picture of my eye?

tales from the crime lab...

the crime lab is in the midst of undergoing some major expansion. we already have satellite sites around the state (mainly of crime scene services -- the folks who actually go out to crime scenes and collect evidence) and we just opened another site in north sudbury. like any company, expansion never goes smoothly. this week it was the water cooler bursting in north sudbury and somehow staining the carpet. and waiting for our shelving for the stock rooms, which is long overdue, which means the hallways are still full of boxes full of information and goods that needs to be under lock and key. and someone's water breaking in the chem lab. our site in agawam just got condemned. and in the main lab in sudbury, we moved all of the computers around since we added 12 more DNA analysts. and we managed to plug them all back in just in time to get hit with the latest evil virus.

i think perhaps i lost site of the fact that the state police, and the crime lab, is just another company -- albeit publicly held and subject to more rules and regulations than most companies. it suffers from the same problems any place would, and due to the aforementioned rules and regulations, it is slower and less able to fix them. and my job? i am right in the middle of all of this, and also unable to fix much. i got the water company to clean the carpet and considered it to be a major victory.

the governor comes this week with his press junket to show how supportive he is of the crime lab. and he is. he's the main reason that we *have* a place in north sudbury. so thanks, mitt. just for that i won't trip you when you come to visit.